My life has been quite complicated lately, necessitating some time away from my blog. I've missed blogging and interacting with my cyber friends, but sometimes life takes some twists and turns.
I've just had another one of those uncanny thing happen to me. Back in my Christian days I would have called it an answer to my prayers. Maybe I still think of it that way in a sense. I've rethought the whole prayer matter and can't take seriously the idea of attempting to cajole the Almighty into acting in a certain way. Yet I find some meaning in prayer as an expression of the deepest longings of the heart. (My ideas about the Almighty have undergone an even more radical reappraisal in recent years and are not at all orthodox or even ordinary.)
For the second time in this year my life has been touched by a surprising good fortune that I have longed for but had little reason to think would actually come about. As I've looked back over the years of my life I recall lots of little ways that things have seemingly "fallen into place." Some weren't little ways, but were rather stunning. Most people I've talked with have experienced the same thing.
No wonder so many of us think of higher powers, guiding forces, Karma, destiny, fate, or any number of ways to make sense of it all. And for those who don't believe in nuthin' there is always that old standby, coincidence. But sometimes it seems the "mere" coincidences can pile up in such a way as to make it a less than fully satisfying solution. Or maybe not. As I observed before, worldviews can be extremely personal.
Life fascinates me. My own and the lives of others. It seems that with a little digging anyone's life can be found full of little (and big!) synchronicities (or "mere" coincidences) that not only add flavor but a real sense of wonder.
If my life ended today it still would have been a life that seemed meaningful, perhaps even guided. I have always sensed a WAY that, when deviated from, always complicated things for me. I've interpreted that WAY variously down through the years, and of course at first within the culture I was reared in (but the inquiring mind always looks ever further). Becoming rich or famous were never priorities of mine. I always wanted just to find my niche, and then be the best Doug I could be.
I have yet one more unfulfilled wish that I would like to see come to pass. It's very personal and I won't mention it just now. If that comes about my life will have come full circle and I will finally be at peace (at least as much at peace as one can be in this tumultuous world of ours). And deep down I feel that "prayer" will be answered one day. That feeling is so intense I'm tempted to say I know it will come to pass in due time. In the meantime I wait and anxiously long for the desire of my heart. It remains to be seen how the order I seek will arise from the present disorder of life. My former religion had a phrase I always found interesting: "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."